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The pain was bewildering. Exactly that—I was bewildered. I couldn’t understand, couldn’t make sense of
what was happening. My body tried to reject the pain, and I was sucked again and again into a blackness
that cut out whole seconds or maybe even minutes of the agony, making it that much harder to keep up
with reality. I tried to separate them. Non-reality was black, and it didn’t hurt so much. Reality was red, and
it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and
submerged in acid, all at the same time. Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when I couldn’t possibly
move because of the pain. Reality was knowing there was something so much more important than all this
torture, and not being able to remember what it was. Reality had come on so fast. One moment, everything
was as it should have been.
Surrounded by people I loved.
Smiles. Somehow, unlikely as it
was, it seemed like I was about to
get everything I’d been fighting for.
And then one tiny, inconsequential
thing had gone wrong. I’d watched
as my cup tilted, dark blood spilling
out and staining the perfect white,
and I’d lurched toward the accident
reflexively. I’d seen the other, faster
hands, but my body had continued
to reach, to stretch... Inside me,
something had yanked the opposite
direction. Ripping. Breaking. Agony.
The darkness had taken over, and
then washed away to a wave of
torture. I couldn’t breathe—I had
drowned once before, and this was
different; it was too hot in my throat.
Pieces of me shattering, snapping,
slicing apart... More blackness.
Voices, this time, shouting, as the
pain came back. “The placenta must
have detached!” Something sharper
than knives ripped through me—the
words, making sense in spite of the
other tortures. Detached placenta --
I knew what that meant. It meant. It
that that my baby was dying inside
“Get him out!” I screamed to Edward.
Why hadn’t he done it yet? “He c
breathe! Do it now!” “The morphine
He wanted to wait, to give me pain
I’ve never heard anything so vital.
She’ll be perfect...
Listen to her heart…
mona2010 added this comment 2012-03-15 11:17:00-05:00
I so much love this!
mona2010 added this comment 2012-03-15 11:14:55-05:00
woah ! can't wait to see part 2 - awesome glog on this! you're brilliant!
mona2010 added this comment 2012-03-15 11:17:00-05:00
I so much love this!
mona2010 added this comment 2012-03-15 11:14:55-05:00
woah ! can't wait to see part 2 - awesome glog on this! you're brilliant!