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At the moment there is a really tense atmosphere between me and my mother. We havent really spoken properly in nearly two years even though we live in the same house.... i know yea that just sounds completely mad, but its true. Anyway i found this poem and i think it just completely sums up the whole relationship with my mother. Im not taking credit for writing this that goes to Caro Joubert.
Im so used to feeling this way, Being shouted at, being told what a nothing I am. I bet you dont even realize how much it hurts, the things you say, How many nights did I sit up crying, cryng till 4 am! I needed help! Some one to talk to, I needed you Mum... Was I really that worthless to you? Where you that ashamed of me? Who I was? Where I came from?
Mum, my life is a mess, This feel so wrong. Cant you see I need help? I'm depressed, Im empty now, Is there no where i could belong? Dont say I didnt speak out see, cause I did, I screamed, I pleaded! Its like you never even saw me, If you meant for me to get this hurt, you succeeded
You pushed me away, When I needed you most. You never listened to what I had to say, Never noticed and you thought we were close. I got to a point that I thought of suicide, Crazy huh, dont you see?? Im broken and I cant go on. I just wish you could see me inside, Im not you! Im not strong!
But thank you for the memories you shared, The good times I dont regret. Thank you for the times you pretended to care, Im your child, that you should never forget. But as time moves on, I learned to forgive. And look where it brought me, im free, im strong, Just dont try and take credit for what I'll someday achive..
You always used to say, That its just life. Gotta find your own way, Through the hurt, pain and strife. Maybe to you it is, But now Im telling you this.. There is no point in living with rage, That way you'll always stay on the same page.
FORGIVE
xbilltokiohotelkx added this comment 2009-01-06 18:16:19-06:00
and I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation asme. :/
xbilltokiohotelkx added this comment 2009-01-06 18:16:01-06:00
oh...my god. this totally fits my life right now.
xbilltokiohotelkx added this comment 2009-01-06 18:16:19-06:00
and I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation asme. :/
xbilltokiohotelkx added this comment 2009-01-06 18:16:01-06:00
oh...my god. this totally fits my life right now.