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Why?
Family is suposed to protect you from the bad things in the world. But why is it that a family member turned against me. Did I deserve this god? Is this my punishment for not being a perfect person? I thought the inccident when I was younger was torture enough. Why did I need this extra ounce of pain, I'm trying everyday to be a better person. I almost died over the march break. Ever since that day I wish the deed was full filled. The one time I should have died I didn't but the other times I've tried I've failed. Overdosing, hanging, cutting, strangling, etc ever attempted was a failed one. I look at my parents I can see the dissappointment in there eyes. They wish I wasn't this way. That I didn't think/feel the way I do. My brother looks at my in disgust wishing I never existed. People make fun of him for his sister being completely mentally destroyed. Having Bi Polar disorder isn't the worst thing. But I really do depise this bitter depression. I am sure many young women have been in my position before. If you make fun of me because of the state I am in mentally then your just as pathetic as the person who made me feel this way. Who ever reads this and has felt this way before. You aren't the only one out there. Did you know there are 100,000 suicides every year in the United States Alone? Imagine what its like in other places? This is terrible that our society is so distasteful, so arrogant, so disgusting, it makes me sick. Why can we all be blind so no one could judge any one any more. Why can't there be no religion so we have nothing to fight over. Why can't we make love not war? So many questions that can never be answered. If society doesn't improve. I might just be one more person that is one of the many that commited suicide. *Sigh* I try to have faith that things will improve gradually. But there is a seed of doubt growing inside. The fear, anger, depression, lies, everything just can't escape me. I wish I could get over it. But I guess when a family member tries to seduce you, I suppose your mind tends to become a blur.
eternalsinger added this comment 2010-03-30 11:16:53-05:00
sorry about you :(
musiclvr2011 added this comment 2010-03-28 13:12:14-05:00
So true... sad.. but true. The feeling is mututal.
eternalsinger added this comment 2010-03-30 11:16:53-05:00
sorry about you :(
musiclvr2011 added this comment 2010-03-28 13:12:14-05:00
So true... sad.. but true. The feeling is mututal.