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I’m scared, I really am… I didn’t expect to live this long and now that I have I don’t know what to do next… all I thought of today was ‘maybe I should kill myself before I hit the age that will make me responsible for my actions’… I don’t want the responsibilities of the world… I don’t want the responsibilities of life… I just want to live and you can’t do that without consequences... none of this makes sense to me and that scares me… I don’t want to be scared… but I am… and that’s how I’m pretty much always going to be… And I’m frightened that any advice will just upset me more… this isn’t one of my normal problems… this is it… the big one… my whole life in a spiral of confutation and fear… and yet I’m still breathing… and all I want to do is hide from my fears… the thing is though… I am my greatest fear and there’s no hiding from myself… yes it would be wise to say ‘Face your fears’ but I’m sorry to say that if I face them I may die from them… I’m 18, the big one… and all I can think about is going back… or just disappearing… Congratulations, you’ve made friends with an insane genius, who knows too much for her age… and you know what they say… ‘sometimes too much information makes a person go crazy…’ that’s me and there’s no stopping it… there’s not enough medication in the world to change my thought process… so I’m going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life… scared… confused… upset… If that’s just how life is… than way live it… If things are going to be less scary when I get older… than why am I still fearing the same things I did from the beginning… I just want to be happy… and if that isn’t an option… then what’s the point… I don’t want fucking life lessons if all I get out of it is trust issues and a broken ego/heart… Happy Birthday to me... and to think I actually thought I would make it...
shisutaa added this comment 2010-03-23 19:23:20-05:00
Happy B-day :D
debcrazyb added this comment 2010-03-24 20:33:24-05:00
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MAY YOUR WISH COME TRUE
shisutaa added this comment 2010-03-23 19:23:20-05:00
Happy B-day :D
debcrazyb added this comment 2010-03-24 20:33:24-05:00
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MAY YOUR WISH COME TRUE