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Holly was a bit of a loner, always sitting by herself at lunch, always alone. She had a few friends but none close enough to trust with any important things like life or death. It was a struggle through high school, she went to three over two years, and making and losing friends was even harder. Every night Holly would come home and head for her stash. Not drugs, not alcohol but a small purse with a safety pin, a lighter and a razor blade. Each and every night she looked at the blade, running her thumb over the sharp egde and, if she cut her thumb, she would watch the blood pool on her thumb before she wiped it away on a tissue. It really wasn't until her third school that she found a reason to use the blade In a hope for escape, sanctuary or hope. The kids were malicious, spreading rumor, telling lies and calling her names like "whale" and making comments such as "man the harpoons". Holly wasn't entirely comfortable with her weight but she was okay with it to some extent. The comments of her weight triggered Holly to stop eating and if she did eat, throw it up later.
Most of the other comments she could merely smile and laugh most of them off but the internal damage was starting. The scars that had never healed from her past were tearing open and new cuts in her emotions were forming but she merely hid them away under her mask and continued like the words didn't bother her at all. Each day she sat with the circle of friends and each day a new cut formed under her mask. By mid year small cracks in her mask started to form and tears, angry shouts and break downs started to leak out. The mental and emotional pressure was beginning to be too much for her but each day she continued, bottling sown the threatening outbursts and swallowing the tears. It wasn't until her second semester at her high school that she had her first serious breakdown infront of other students. Holly had sat down at the beginning of class with a girl she supposed was her friend and had been writing some notes on what the teacher was saying as a small, folded note had drifted her way. Puzzled Holly opened it to find in big black words "Why don't you just leave? Your a fat ugly slut who deserves everything she got." Tears leaked down her cheeks as she read the words over and over again. Wiping her tears she dared to look up to the rest of the class, searching for a clue as to who had written it. She found none. Picking up her books as she struggled to hold back her tears she made an excuse to the teacher before running from the room and heading down to the oval. Choking back sobs Holly wiped away her tears before grabbing her stash back from her pocket and opening it. Pulling out the razor she grabbed a pen and paper, scribbled a small note on it. Folding it a few times she pinned it to her top with the safety pin, in a place that was obvious. Taking a small breath she looked at the razor and then toher wrists. Was she ready for this? Would this solve anything? Bitung her lip she drew the razor down both of her wrists, pressing down as hard as she could to get the deepest cut. The bell rang to signal lunch as death started to grip her, she heard screams and people started to shake her, pressure being added to her wrists to try and stop the bleeding but it was too late, crimson pooled around her, soaking into the grass and her clothes. As her eyelids drooped she looked up to see one girl standing away from the rest, a small smile on her face. It was the friend she had been sitting next to in class. Letting the last bit of life drain from her wrists Holly's final message was pulled from her shirt and read:
I tried to be strong. I tried to live on But the hurt and the pain is too much. Now you will underatand the pain I have been through, Or maybe not. Some if you may cry, some of you may feel guilt.
Some of you may even smile
themreaper added this comment 2010-06-02 02:57:19-05:00
Love it! Its very meaningful
gothgirl added this comment 2010-05-31 19:45:27-05:00
wow this is awesome tho very sad..love it!
themreaper added this comment 2010-06-02 02:57:19-05:00
Love it! Its very meaningful
gothgirl added this comment 2010-05-31 19:45:27-05:00
wow this is awesome tho very sad..love it!