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1. Call him Jasper Cullen. 2. When he complains, tell him all the fangirls call him that. 3. Tell him real men don't get effected by emotions. 4. Every time you see him, salute him. 5. Call Maria and tell her that Jasper wants to come back to her. 6. Hello. Run. 7. Lock him in a room with a bunch of PMSing girls. 8. Step back and watch the action from a safe distance. 9. Ruin his clothes, and then come along with Alice to buy him a new wardrobe. 10. Get angry around him for no reason. 11. Use your ever awsome photoshop skills to make it look like Alice is kissing Edward. 12. Get a paper cut, and stick it in your mouth. 13. Enjoy his twitching torture. 14. Call him emo. 15. Repeat #6 16. Run up and try to bite him. 17. Bring in the fan girls, ladies and gentlemen! 18. Find a shapeshifter, and keep placing them infront of Jazz until one of them imprints. 19. Hijack the O-negative storage and slowly dump them down your throat while Jazz is watching