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Life Out Of Bow The first day of crew, I realized something about myself that I didn't want to know. I was weak. Not necessarily weak in terms of muscles, although my strength was lacking in that area as well, but weak in my mind, my self esteem, my confidence. As I stepped into the boat, my feet lining up with the bright new white tape, I felt a rush of anxiety. What if I messed up? I wouldn’t. I took the oar in my hand. What if I caught a crab? I wouldn’t. I sat in position, my back straight, legs bent ever so slightly to rest the oar handle on my pale knees. I liked being bow. I could do this. As bow seat, you are dedicated to following everyone. You must be in time. You can’t mess up. You can’t do your own thing. You have to follow. As coxswain, my other role in crew, you are dedicated to leading everyone. When my turn came to switch out of my favored bow seat and into the coxswain seat of another, I was frightened. I had no idea how I was going to climb out of a one floating boat, into a second boat, and then into a third, without looking like an idiot. I unstrapped my feet, gave my oar to the boy in front of me and grabbed the coach’s boat. I propelled myself up, lifting myself off of the uncomfortable seat, and sat on the stern of the launch. Coach E. maneuvered the boat to my new boat, the men’s varsity four. I positioned myself so that I could easily slide into the seat and assume command. I settled my feet on the faded white tape marks and straightened out my headset. As a coxswain, you are in command. You must call time. You can’t mess up. You can’t do your own thing. You have to lead. I found it easier to be bow. Nobody expected anything of you. You sit in the very back, Isolated from everyone else. No one could see you. But you could see them. If you mess up, nobody criticizes you. Because nobody knows. But as a coxswain… Everyone expects everything from you. You sit in the very front. Everyone can see you. Everyone can hear you. Every word you say is transferred through the microphone and into the belly of the boat. Everybody criticizes you. I realized that day that I was too weak to take charge. Too weak to take criticism for my mistakes. Too weak to be a leader.
Life Out Of Bow
