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silent
I'm crying. I'm in my room trying to sleep, but I'm crying. No one's here but myself, and I must pretend that the body pillow next to me has arms that are holding me. It changes form, and its a person, a male. I do not know who, for he has no face, but I know it is male for he asks me a question. Why? "Because of him." I reply. Who? he asks "The liar. The one who breaks his promises. The one who won't even look at me willing anymore." Why? he asks again. "Because he won't even look at me now. He won't say hello, in the mornings, he won't text me, he won't call, he left. Why can't he see I just want to be friends?" he remains silent and the tears still pour. The one person in reality who I wanted the most not to leave and he left." his voice rings in my mind. "You promise?" I ask. "I promise, I won't leave." "not even if I told you." "not even if you told me." "liar" the tears pour and he starts to rock me. 'I would say that I wish I had never brought him to anime club. That I had never introduced him to them, but that would be a lie. I'm happy that I brought him." Why? "Because he's happy now, he found people he likes, that he cares about. He got to meet everybody because I brought him there, but..." But "why was I choosen to be the outcast? Why me, when I was the one who showed him. I'm sorry I can't cosplay correctly, I'm trying to meet your expectations. I'm trying to show you how much I want to be a good cosplayer, but, how can I when you won't even talk to me, when you won't even help me. You promised me so many things, told me how you would help me, or what you would teach me, and all of it, every single word you went back on. Every single one. I've been abandoned because I don't fit what it is that you want. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why..." ... "I gave him my trust, and he placed me in the room, and locked the door. He didn't turn back, but he turned around and walked away. Now I'm trapped in a room screaming, and crying, and he won't even look back." Why? "Because he doesn't care. He'll leave me here, and walk away. And I'll scream and kick, but it won't matter. It never will, i'm nobody, just the same, and he becomes just like the others. just like them." shhh "I feel the urge, and no one's here to stop me." the rocking stops, the fake heartbeat ceases. Those arms wraped so protectively around me cease to exist. And the male is just a pillow, just a pillow inside an empty room. And I still hold it, and the tears still pour. 'what did I do...'
