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I don’t even know.. What the fuck is wrong with me? How can I still like you? I mean, how can I still love you? You and I never can make it work. We shouldn’t have to make it work. I cheated on you, you cheated on me and yet we still try back and forth through all of this shit. ;/ I can’t even tell you how aggravating it is to like you. You flirt with any fucking girl you meet, and have the nerve to tell me that you feel self concious whenever I hang out with my guy friends. I’m sorry but I took down my wall for you; I chose you. But you’re really messing with my head right now, so there’s no point to sticking around and waiting for you to make up your mind. I don’t technically have someone else, but then again I do. He’s amazing, sweet, and wouldn’t do this to me. I’ve spent too much of my time crying over you. I badly need your love. I use to at least. But now..I don’t even know…It doesn’t seem like you feel how you use to anymore. You say you do, but your actions say otherwise. I’m not going to stick around forever being your little toy. I’m not that type of girl. Go fuck around with Gibran some more, but not me. I can’t keep convincing myself that your worth this. The way you make me feel when we’re together, just the two of us, is incredible, but when we’re around other people it’s like you’re trying to prove something that you really don’t need to do. No one cares. They all just stopped caring after everything that’s happened. Some day I hope I’ll find someone new that makes me feel the way you do. I don’t want you to change who you are, I want you to change who you’re trying to be. The way you act drives me to weed, hating myself, and an endless supply of hurt. The drugs keep me from going off on everyone for your bull shit. I hate myself for putting me in this position. I was just fine being alone. After we broke up that first time I drowned myself in other guys. I was..or am…a slut..I don’t even know anymore. I fucked around with Hassan because I knew it would piss you off. I love Jesse too. And he knows I love you. I don’t want to love two people. If I had to choose I would only want Jesse because I know he would never purposely try hurting me. I’m talking a lot about myself right now and I’m sorry. I just can’t keep loving you. It breaks me. When we’re actually dating I’m happy and what not. But when all we’re doing is flirting it messes with my head and I turn everyone against me. I love Erica, she’s my best friend. Or she was. She kinda ended that because of my personality. But ever since I saw you at registration I’ve been crazy. And Erica notices it. I can’t keep doing this. I want my old friends back. I want to be with someone who deserves me, someone that I even deserve. OH AND DONTE! He hates me right now because every time he wants to hang out I’m with you. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s stuck by me through everything even when I was hurting him. Whenever things got to difficult, you just left. You didn’t really talk to me. It’s not about the drama is it? It’s because you don’t know whether or not you want to do this. Scratch that. I know you don’t want to do this. If you actually feel the way you say you do, then we would be together. I’m sorry this is so long. But I’ve been feeling this way for months and I don’t like it..I’ll always love you. I know that. But I need to get over you. I need to get over the fact that I want to be with you. If you’re not there to hug me and tell me things will be okay then I’m done.
But, we have to move on. Live our lives and find someone new.<|3
