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How to Save our Planet: Every human on earth has an obligation to protect the environment. I was involved in a tree hugging accident several years ago, yet I feel that these injuries have made me much stronger. I now realize that caring for the environment was not enough, but I had to plan the single greatest rescue operation in history. I had to rescue the planet. There are certain things that humans should to take into consideration in there day to day lives. Firstly, everyone on earth should walk to work barefoot. Automobiles can't be used because of their harmful emissions. These greenhouse gases are like a parasite sucking away the atmosphere leading to the destruction of our planet. Riding bicycles may seem like an evironmentally friendly method of transportation to the unobservant eye, yet I am able to see through the smoke and mirrors constructed by the bike companies. A bike is an extremely harmful method of transportation. The rubber from the tires is constantly imprinting harmful tracks on the Earth's fragile body. Nor should one be able to wear weapon-like wardrobes of shoes. In the production of shoes, harmfully chemicals are produced and are left with nowhere to go but to mother earth. Therefore the only logical method of transportation would be barefoot travel. Secondly, exercise is now and shall forever forth be banned. The extra consumption rate of oxygen is far too dangerous to the ozone. When humans exercise, their carbon dioxide production levels skyrocket, leaving carbon footprint as big as that of a sasquatch on the atmosphere. In doing such, a lack of exercise will increase the rate of methane expulsion through every country which leads me to my next proposition... All people of this world should begin to capture the flatulations of all animals and pets in air-tight jars. These jars should be stored securely in the residence of its capturer. A weekly route will lead the friendly neighborhood Methane Man to collect the jars, much in the same fashion as a garbage man. These jars will be delivered to a processing station where all the methane will be pumped into the atmosphere of Venus via the trans-galaxy transport tube. These are all reasonable requests that will make Earth a better place for all of her children. And there is so little sacrifice involved. Some may believe that these proposals are not feasible, yet I strongly disagree. It is very probable that all of mankind would be willing to make these minor adjustments.
Intro: This is an example of writing with satirical strategies. The original assignment had highlighted and labeled strategies that made this a satire. It relates to my central theme because it demonstrates some of the crazy things that bounce arounsd inside of my head.
