The Truth

nightmarelife

,Canada

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I have always been the type of person who does the right thing. I was never in trouble at school and I was always careful with everything and aware of everything around me that was happening. But I knew that something bad would never happen to me, something so dramatic would never happen to me. This stuff isn’t suppose to happen to people like me. But I guess I was wrong then, cuz that night everything changed for me, im no longer the girl I once was, no longer the girl everyone thought I was. This stuff would never happen to me. I was too careful and I was too smart. But, I soon found out that these things can happen and they happened to me. The next thing I knew, I was leaving my friends and meeting up with him, my boyfriend left hours earlier to go back home, so I though I’d say yes to hanging with him. I should have listened to my friend, and not gone to meet him, she said he was bad news. But of course I had to be nice and give it a shot. So I met up with him and a friend of his at a park nearby. Once I saw him I thought I should have just stayed with my friends, I barley new him, and this was the first time that we hung out. When I walked over to them he gave me a hug and the usual, then we started walking back to his place. I was scared of being alone but still I went, once we got to his place we went and sat on the couch, there were others there and his parents were out at another house cuz they were moving the next day. Once I sat down he pulled me closer to him and then put his arms around me. He started to move his arms down my arm, I told him earlier that I had a boyfriend but I though he just wanted to hang. He asked me what I wanted to do, but I said that I didn’t no, he said he was bored and asked me if I wanted to go downstairs, But of course I said yes, I never new what would happen. Once we got downstairs his friends started yelling down the stairs at him and said to be safe. He said to just sit on the bed, and for a little while we were just talking, but then he interrupts me by grabbing me and started kissing me. He pushed me down onto the bed and was kissing me hard, he started to move his hand down, and I tried to stop him, I got up and said that I had to leave. But then he just started kissing me again. He said that nothing bad is going to happen, if that’s what you think, but that’s exactly what I thought. He gave me one chance to leave by saying yeah I no im ugly so just leave then, but I was scared and I guess I hesitated to long. He started kissing me again, and started biting my lips at the same time, he pushed me up on the bed, And I just froze I couldn’t do anything, and I couldn’t say anything, I new what he wanted from me. He pushed harder down on me, and held my arms, I saw the condom, and I heard the tear. He left my shorts on as he did it, but all I felt was the pain and no pleasure. He pushed harder and harder, but later he had difficulties. He stopped and all of a sudden he started pulling down my shorts, it made it easer for him, but it just got harder for me. He started to breath heavily and started kissing my neck, but then he started to bite areas again, and started pushing his hands up my shirt. I was scared and ashamed of myself for what was happening, I couldn’t believe what I had just let happen to myself. I was trapped deep in the grip of him, he tortured my mind and body I was unable to move, I was paralyzed with fear. I could smell him, feel him, and hear him as he violated me, How could this be happening to me. For the whole time I could hear his friends yelling, and throwing things down at us. But thankfully that’s how it stopped, he got off me and started yelling back at them, I pulled my clothes back on as he started walking back upstairs. As I headed up the stairs, his friends started coming down, and one was asking if it was his turn next. As I got up the stairs he asked me if I was okayyy, then he just said yeah of course you are. He made me sit next to him for a while and the whole time I was scared and shacking. A friend later asked me to go over to his place to drop something off and pick up some stuff, so I took that chance to leave. But he didn’t want me to leave, he wanted me to come back and he asked me to stay the night, so he ended up coming with me. As we started walking I tried to pick a fight with him just so he could leave, but of course he never did. As I started walking across the road a truck almost hits me. When we get to the other side he starts swearing at what happened. When we got to my friends place, he gave me the stuff and I gave him his stuff and then his brother came out and we just talked for a bit. And all I wanted was for him to just invite me in so I wouldn’t be alone with him. I was so scared, but they never did ask me in. We walked back to his place and on the sidewalk he just started to kiss me again, he new that I was upset, but he didn’t care. We sat down on the couch and he and his friends just started talking. My one friend got mad at me when I told her where I was, and she said that she wasn’t going talk to me anymore. But she didn’t no what was happening, she didn’t no what I just went through. When he went outside, I took that chance and grabbed my stuff and walked through the door to, I walked pass him and asked his friend witch way to go, then I started walking home. It was pitch black outside and I had to go through the park again. As I walked the path I started to cry, I needed to talk to my friends, there the only ones that im able to talk to. As I walked to there place I was able to hear them talking, so I stopped and knocked on the window. They were both mad at me, but then they asked what happened and then I just let everything out and began to cry on the lawn. They let me in and I told them some of what happened, But I had to leave and go home cuz my mom was getting mad at me and said I was to be home or else I was grounded so I wasn’t able to say everything that happened cuz it was to much and to hard to explain to them. I remember that night just as if it was yesterday, every moment every word it’s stuck with me forever. It’s still hard for me to go out, that is a real effort. It is much easier to hide myself away. I am still scared of meeting him face to face again, so I avoid the areas I know he goes to. Im not much of a fan of crowds of people any more. Strangers jostling around me, invading my personal space makes me panic most of the time now. I find myself unable to trust many people these days, but those that I do trust have had to earn it from me. I know there is only one person that I feel I can trust totally any more and I find myself even questioning that trust at times. Times when I question him or his actions or what He has said. But I do love him, and I no that he means good, and I no how much he feels about me. The first flashback that I had was scary. One minute im sitting quietly and the next im in the middle of the actual rape. I was there reliving it second by second. It was so real, I could feel what was happening, hear what was being said and done to me I was unaware of anyone or anything other than what was being done to me yet again. I could feel the panic, and I couldn't breathe, I struggled with myself to forget everything, I wanted to just escape it but I didn't know how. A couple weeks later I had a dream, but it was a different scene, this time it was in my house, one minute im standing there and then the next I turn my head, and then I see him. I tried to run,

but he was faster. I was on the floor, I was screaming for my friends help, but she never came, no one ever came to save me. I didn’t want to be there, I wanted some one to save me and drag me out of the nightmare. It was all happening again, I was trapped deep in the grip of my tortured mind unable to move, I was paralyzed with the fear of everything. I could smell him, feel him, hear him as he violated me once again I didn't know what to do to make it stop. But I did no that everything would be okayy, Everything always is okayy with me, even if it’s bad. But now im with my boyfriend again, and I no he would never let anything happen to me. But it almost

happened again the other night but I was with friends this time. But I was out of it, but this time they came in just in time and they took me and left. But I’ll always remember that it was me, I was the one sobbing, and I was the one shaking uncontrollably, and it was me that had

been raped, it was really me.

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Comments:

sweetlytragic added this comment 2009-10-14 19:07:30-05:00

This story gave me chills (even though there were a few typos). Again, I'm very sorry this happened to you. No one should have to deal with that. NO ONE. I hope the rest of your life is pleasant. Filled with good guys, not bad ones. :)

gothgirl added this comment 2009-09-23 02:46:37-05:00

omg im so sorry this happened to u!! no matter wot the circumstances NO ONE should violate another if they dont want them to! wow i dont know wot to say but i do know one thing..ur a beautiful awesome loving girl and i hope u stay that way xxxxxx if i were u i would never risk being alone like that again and omg it happened to u twice!! aww sweetie im so sorry:(xxxxxxxxx

abbygeek added this comment 2011-02-09 19:23:16-06:00

omg im so sorry

raerock added this comment 2009-11-03 09:14:57-06:00

oh my u must have really put a lot of felling in this im sorry that happend to you:(

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