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No, i'm not going to kill myself, I've already been through that, but i still feel that way. I still feel empy, i feel tired of faking happiness for everyone so they don't ask questions. I love my friends to death, and there's a few people on here who truely make me happy (and you know who you are) but i don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning...
I NEED HELP!!!! I WANT TO WATCH IT ALL BURN!!!!
I'll admit I've hurt myself numerous times, and it's left me with scars i can't erase or get rid of. The pain i cause physically to myself is a relief momentarily, but then the emotional waves of pain return and i'm back to drowing in my own sorrow. I want someone to see through the mask
Drowning in an ocean of sorrow. An ocean i can't overcome and don't know what to do about. I feel so lost. I look around the crowded halls and feel so alone. I look around my empty bedroom, and i begin to realize why i feel the way i do. I hate myself. I hate everything I've beceome, everything i used to be and everything I will be. I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done to change that.
The mask of fake happiness, the mask that tells you that I'm just fine, that i'm going to make it through the night. The mask of fake smiles and laughs when really i want someone to say they notice how my eyes are always so sad. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay.
My life is spiriling downwards and i can't find a way to pick myself up. I mean, this depression is nothing compared to the hatred i feel for the world. I mean, i don't hate my friends--i never could--but everyone else in the world...i just want to see it all burn down and everyone begging for it to stop
I'm begging for someone to help. I sit in my room and i cry alone, thinking of the things that brought me to this and realized it started when i was just a young kid. (even longer story) i watch my mom cry at night at how i turned out, and how i can't be like my perfect brother--who's younger than me!!! She can't even hug me..my dad can't even look me in the eyes. I'm so broken I don't want to do it anymore. The further i go, the more i want to die. I left home two weeks ago, thinking i could gather myself alone, but it hasn't helped, but i can't go home.
I don't want to be like this anymore, i want to go home, i want to start over, i want to be truley happy again...
I'm tired of hurting myself, of getting closer to ending it all...my desolate soul doesn't seem to care if i cut too deep or not, but i do. My willpower isn't great, but I'm holding on for my friends that I care for so very much on here.
