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Top Ten Reasons you won't win "American Idol"
5. You've already appeared on another reality show -- "Cops"
9. Backstage, people say, "Are you still here?"
10. You dedicate "I Will Always Love You" to Saddam Hussein
8. North Korea says if you lose they'll stop producing enriched uranium
7. Your mother says, "You're okay, but I'm really a big fan of Ruben"
6. You were recently named the three of clubs on the "Most Wanted Iraqi" playing cards
4. Vegas gives you the same odds of winning it all as the Mets
3. You cancel your performance to stay home and watch "Jag"
2. Simon beats you with the microphone stand
1. Your voice is muffled by the SARS mask
From the Late Show with David Letterman
