Dismantle. Repair.

samanthaard

,United States

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In December 2008, I had just been dumped and I was failing two classes. I worked two jobs I hated but could barely afford the rent. I was on my home from work when I saw a cardboard box in t he road. Feeling immortal in the steel frame of my car, I thought about colliding into. I wanted to destroy it. I wanted to watch it get swept under the car or roll up my windshield and see it disappear in my rear-view mirror. But as I came closer, I thought about how broken I felt. And how I felt the world was watching me disappear in a mirror. And how all I wanted was to be shown an ounce of benevolence. So I swerved quickly to dodge the box. My tire fell into a ditch and I cranked the wheel too hard, trying to over correct my mistake. My car rolled over itself three times before coming to a stop in a horse pasture. I was scared and confused. I couldn't figure out why I was looking at my overhead light. I tried moving. I tried getting my face away from the steering wheel before the air bag deployed. As I shruggled, I heard the door squeak open from behind. Then arms came to pull me free. My whole life was in that car. My phone, my CD's, my wallet. All of it was mixed in with broken glass and mud. A man handed me a calculator. It must have fallen from my bookbag. He said, 'Don't lose this.' I was still gazing at the carnage I had created. When I turned to say thank you, he was gone. Two minutes later, my airbag sprung to life, exploding with such force it knocked off the head of my driver's chair.