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the scenery and sandy footprints
seagulls fly above the rocky shore
there's an orb in the sky behind me
California, Christmas Break.
gallup, new mexico next door i hear laughter, the people are watching tv and talking. they sound happy and distracted. the two beds in this room are oppositional. one full of snoring bodies, the other half full of fully clothed me, trying to forget about the dog shit i just cleaned up because my road partner failed to walk her dogs before sleep. the stench remains and the heat is high and the scent turns putrid and wafts through the room. i feel my eyes burning, no longer my lips. but inside i am an aching heart without a pulse and stomach full of
knots out of missing you. three hundred miles back i was so moved i felt slow motion as an illusory effect. i was walking towards a looking place to manage a view that scoped beyond my mere periphery. i have never seen color like that. i have never seen those types of vegetation. i havent set my gaze on anything as beautiful in landscape but your body. and i wished you were there, because it felt like your land. i thought you were born from that. you wrap your kindness around everything you touch, your understanding around everything you listen to, your beautiful compassion and ability to amplify the beauty around you in everything you
listen to, your beautiful compassion and ability to amplify the beauty around you in everything you acknowledge. i stared for a long moment with a cigarette and a head full of wind at that landscape thinking of how good it would be to know you see me in my moment, to be in it with me, to see me seeing you like that. i dreampt of you last night, all night, as deep into unconscious as i can remember. you and i were a lattice, we were pacifying the urgencies we feel in wakefulness. we were lovers blue. i was covered in you. i woke feeling like a storm had ceased, like i couldnt
the sounds are a mind recordings of your voice to me, the dreams are lucid and of you clutching me. i want to brush back your hair and tell you youre the most important thing in the world to me. i want to kiss your nose and find the way to love you silently with our eyes alone. and i want to go home, where your arms have a safety that is warm and love and mine. im on the edge of new mexico, astray from the beauty of day by the dark and stale of night in a motel room. i am missing you, sarah. missing you hard and sad and good. missing you so bad i want to kick and scream and make reality scream bloody fucking mercy, alright, just to see you. just to see you sweetheart.
understand the calm left afterward, or the disaster. you are not here. you are 1500 miles away from me, ten billion heartbeats, days away, and infinite breaths i havent yet caught up on. i need your kiss like i need the stars. like i need the night and the moon. i need your hands all over me like a spent day needs a sunrise. i need to know that i am close enough to touch you. i need to be that near. your tired voice, loving and tender and sexy, replaced your lips against my skin. your words generated the heat of your breath against my neck when you hold me. the tactile part of loving you is incomplete, a broken thread in your tapestry. the color i see is black,
december 20, 2007
