Love that failed

strawberro

,Bahamas

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I was with this boy once…he was so perfect, smart, funny, charming, and GORGEOUS. He was really nice to me, and seemed to genuinely like me for me. I’m insecure about my looks. I think I’m fat, too short, have too small of a chest, too dark, and I have acne. But he didn’t seem to care. He would talk to nobody but me. He called me every night and we’d talk for HOURS about everything. When he was around me, I felt good about myself, not like a shy, ugly, nerdy overweight girl. And so I fell in love. One day he asked me to a dance. I was thrilled! I spent hours preparing for the dance, wearing a dress, doing my hair, putting on perfume, the works. It was so troublesome, but I did it all for him. I would do anything for him. At long last, I was done, and when I went in to the gym, where the dance was, he saw me. He came over, took my hand, and said, “You look amazing.” I blushed like mad. He hung around me, and we started talking. We were laughing and joking, and I was having a good time….and then my friend came over. She’s slim, pretty, smart, everything you would want in a girl. Next to her, I’m nothing. She introduced herself in a charming way and that was it. He spent the rest of the night by her side instead, leaving me behind. When I saw them start slow dancing to a romantic song, I left. As I drove back home I struggled to keep from crying over him. Why should I cry over him? I thought. He’s just a silly shallow little boy . But it still hurt. I turned on the radio to try to get my mind off things, and there it was, the song they had been dancing too. I turned off the radio, pulled into my driveway, got out and ran inside. I ran to my room, put my face in my pillow, and let it all out.

My mom heard the noise from ownstairs and called up to ask why I was home so early. I pulled myself together just long to enough to lie that I was tired, and that I was playing some music. This satisfied my parents, and they left me alone. My pillow was wet. My face was covered with tear stains. I tried to wipe them away, but when my sleeve brushed my nose, I smelled his cologne on it. That set me off again. I tried to stop. I was ANGRY, I shouldn’t be sad over such a loser. But a little voice in my head replied, But you love him. That’s why it hurts…and I knew I did. I thought about him almost every waking moment. I kept his picture in a locket I wore every day. I treasured all the little notes he had written me. When I was around him, my heart fluttered so hard I wondered whether it would burst out of my chest . But in the end, he still left me for that pretty girl. It’s six months after that night. They’re still together. Whenever I see them pass, holding hands, or kissing tenderly under a tree, I have to take a deep breath and turn away. I don’t want people to see me crying. I cry for him every night. I don’t talk to my friend much anymore. I’m not sure we’re even friends anymore. Sometimes in the night, I get up and check my messages, holding out in the faint hope that he wants me back. It hasn’t happened. I don’tt know if I’ll ever get over him. This was a love that failed. I fell in love with him, but he didn’t with me. And I wonder whether I will ever find my happy ending.