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So i guess this is just how it's got to be, huh? What i still don't understand and i have found i may never understand is how you can kiss her, how you can hold her, how you can look at her the same way you looked at me. I guess life goes on and people change, what's strange is that feelings never seem to change for us as they do for so many other people. You tell me you can't trust me, and yes, i know i've made poor decisions in the past. Some are unforgivable. But what kills me most is how you can call me and tell me you love me as you
waste your life, our life away with another girl. seven months now i've been in this same position waiting and waiting for you. It tears me apart evertime. To the point where i wonder if it is even worth it, but i know the answer. You have changed my life, changed me in so many ways. I can't even describe it. You're the reason why i am still breathing right now. The reason why i lived though that one night so many months ago. All i have ever want was happiness for you and i know you: you're happiest with me. I can see it. The way you smile at me is so different from the way you would for anyone else. You need time, as always and i know the drill. I get it. What I don't get is how you can still look at me, how you can see past all my mistakes and tell me truthfully that you love me and always will. You're such an amazing, and forgiving individual. I wish i could share it with the whole world but we both know i am too selfish for that. Here's the thing, what you don't get is that you're my best friend. You and Larissa are all i've got. If things change and it turns out that this is my last summer in Michigan I want to be able and look back and see that i spent all that time with the ones i love. In case you couldn't tell that would be you. I know your life is stressful right now and everything is changing all the sudden but i just want to know if you ever still think about me. Think about the time that we snuck into your house and your sister hated my guts, or the million times we'd sit on the phone for hours talking about absolutly nothing. Remeber the times that we played in my playscape decking it out in blue painters tape. Or the time we went ice skating togather, rather you went ice skating i fell on my ass a million times. Do you remember visiting me in the mornings for only five or ten minutes just so that we could see eachother again? Looking back now it seems like it was ages ago. I guess time really does change everything. Over everything i need to tell you that i am sorry. He didn't mean anything to me, and the fact that i didn't stop him will never leave my mind. I never wanted to hurt you.
Here is where i stand: I love you, i really do, and even though no one in the entire world understands it i can live with that. We've made it this far haven't we? You're the first thought on my mind when i wake up, you what i spend my entire day thinking of, and thoughts of us is the lullaby i use every night before i finally sleep and dream about you. I want you to know that i will wait, and as much as you hate it when i say that, i think you need to hear it: yes, it's true i may find someone else. It's true i may be with other people. And lastly yes, it's true when you're ready to come back I'd love to take you in an instant but it might prove to be problematic if there is someone else. I am not saying i will move on because i know i can't, i've tried and failed, and honestly i am content with that. I don't want to forget. But with time comes distance and with distance comes loss. I just hope we're both ready to accept the problems our decisons will make for us. I love you and i always will so please don't let us die.
